26 junio 2006

Of worth and Mila

thought one:
Vale o no vale...
Is it worth it or not?

It being...

-or clubs
-or money
-or education
-or church
-or work
-or life...

Is "it" worth time, energy, money, myself? asked a billion times a day by a billion (or 5.5) billion souls.... or not asked, even worse.

here, people live right in front of your face. they don´t have the decency to stay inside their houses to exists. right smack dab in full vision, making me ask, is it worth it or no?

...not of my own life. of theirs. beautiful girls... beautiful. laughing at boys who will destroy them without even realizing who they were. children, beautiful, playing in the streets while their childhood escapes them. turning into men... standing, sitting, walking, working, waiting... all the way to their death. what´s worth it?

what´s worth an hour and a half? what´s worth 70 years? what´s worth your youth?

what´s worth $60,000... or twenty... or one sol... what´s worth YOUR soul?

thought two: a profile of Melarvina
Mila left today.

I didn´t realize it until I asked her if she wanted to go to the internet with me. "No hermana... i´m going to Tambillo."

Oh, when will you be back?

"I´m staying..."

So, I´m sad. I have said good-bye more times in the past 2 months than in the past two years. They´re generally temporary... a couple of days or a couple of months absence, but i clinically note that they all hurt.

Uyyyyyy! presence is precious but MAN. okay... saying goodbye is another entry for another day. back to Mila.

Mila has the single most infectious laugh i have ever heard.

(Rosalvina shakes her head... "These girls (referring to the Terrible Four, giggling up a storm in the kitchen) don´t laugh at all. Oiii... how Mila used to laugh. She doesn´t laugh anymore either. She used to be terrible. At she didn´t just laugh at men either... she laughed at me, she laughed at Abel, she laughed at Mama Nila, at Papá... terrible.")

Seriously great laugh. I´ve worked very hard to learn to compose myself and laugh silently... on the inside... in humorous situations. No go with her at the table.

The other day, a certain sister was with us for dinner. Somehow the talk shifted to marriage. A brother remarks how "there´s nothing sadder than a house without a woman. saaaad. how sweet it is when a house is made beautiful by a woman. that´s why my wife won´t work." all the men at the table agree quite seriously. i´m like, "ohhhh, man" and look at my soup, trying to think serious thoughts.

someone makes the comment about "how bout the man and woman take turns making the house beautiful..." quickly vetoed. "how´s a man going to work all day and come home and cook?" and the convo moves on.

the only problem is i look at Mila.

now, i dunno if she was thinking what i was thinking, but forget it... there was no stopping us. i dunno WHEN was the last time i laughed so hard. soooo funny. whew. really funny. you had to be there... everybody just kinda looked at us. it was great.

mila is my chocolate partner in crime. we like chocolate, we´ve decided. melted, mixed with cinnamon and cloves and Leche Gloria and served with bread. yes, we like it very much.

mila has cooked for the duration of my trip. breakfast, lunch, and dinner. just because she was there and somebody needed to cook.

she´s going back to Tambillo, where the sky´s are almost purple with blueness and half the world´s related to your kin. i dunno what her plans are.

"i´ll come back and visit," she says... "you´re going back to Tambillo, too, aren´t you?"

yeah, i will. no problem.

just presence.


Blogger axegrinder said...


"I´ve worked very hard to learn to compose myself and laugh silently."



lunes, 26 junio, 2006  
Blogger berekkah said...

...because generally, the things i find funny aren´t those a normal human finds comical. it saves me from trying to explain the unexplicable... and from a lot of strange looks as well.

martes, 27 junio, 2006  

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