post from an american citizen

So, I'm supposed to become an American History teacher, right, or at least an instructor (educatory facilitator) in the US Public School system, and i'm thinking on how to inculcate civic values in kids with values that are infirm to start with (with which to start?).

from a WORLD magazine article:

1) "...we're proud to be Americans,
2) we're proud of our history,
3) and we're part of the American story."

* * * *

3) "and we're part of the American story."
the last one i completely promote. we are writing history. "ideas have consequences." the lack of my babies' ideation has consequences. action and nonaction has consequences. previous generations had power over the state of our lives today. we have power over Bush's grandchildren's. and Osama's. and Obama's, which is interesting.

2) "we're proud of our history"
the second i cannot claim under any definition i know of "proud." history is just too broad.
"feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something regarded as highly honorable or creditable to oneself" is impossible when i had nothing to do with the making of those decisions. i benefit from some, which connects me, i guess. but other things i would have opposed with all my might if it had been today. why would i feel possession for the wrong actions or right actions of people far from me?

ahhh... let me think... i feel proud of Elijah calling down fire from heaven because that's my boy! my brother... i am proud of Peter's "not just my feet but my hands and my head!" statement because i would have said the same if i could've thought that fast. [rabbit trail, but that previous sentence would've been in the subjunctive past tense in spanish, which i don't know, and it's really been bugging me. if you have any input, please put in.] so maybe i should feel more connected/ responsible for American history, but i don't.

it surprises me to hear the teacher i'm observing say stuff like "when WE attacked the Native Americans..." we were twinkles in our super great-grandparents eyes; we weren't doing much of anything at all, let alone attacking the natives. neither would i be able to explain to latin americans why we are at war. we are sitting in a library, putting off our homework. we could not tell an AK47 from a Berretta if our life depended upon it. we have OTHERS we would declare war on, were we faced with that option...

1) "...we're proud to be Americans"
the first one is if-fy. let us go about this antithetically, shall we? i do not hate or feel aversely toward [should it be adversely? blast...] my american-ness. i am not ashamed to be an american. i do not underestimate the value of being an american. i do not take it for granted.

but... i had no say in becoming an american. it'd be like saying, "i'm proud i speak english." it just happened, a result of others' decisions/actions. then, again, even though i guess i "had a say" in becoming a Christian, i wouldn't say i'm "proud" to be a Christian either. really, the feeling's almost the same, which is also interesting.

i'm HUMBLED to be an American. i'm PRIVILEGED to be an American. i'm BLESSED to be an American. i'm in AWE that i should be born an American. i'm at times ABASHED to be an American... not by anything pertaining to America but simply because others are not American. statistically, i shouldn't have been born here. i think it's something like i should have been an urban Chinese/ Indian male, which would have been tremendously interesting, but i'm kinda liking the American female life model... i LIKE being an American. me CONVIENE ser Americana. on occasion it's inconvenient, but mostly not.

and of late, my awe in America grows. i was doing some lessons on the 1st amendment, and i might've cried once or twice. seriously. we have such good "rights" (which, seen in a global context, feel more like "privileges") that we have the option of ignoring them. wasting them. while others die for lack of them... (which is an applicable scenario in several different contexts, me thinks.)

so, i'm pessimistic, but i wouldn't say cynical. there's beauty in America, in being an American. i'm not bitter, just sad, because i feel the worth is dismissed and unappreciated. i do not endorse all historically/ culturally American values, but i can see their [pragmatic] value in creating the benefits i enjoy as an American. i recognize the faults of Americans, past and present, but i think that historically, the merits of Americans and their values outweighs [heavy word, that 'un]their flaws and vices, something quite amazing.

thank you for accompanying me on my civic introspection... i still need to think through loyalty, responsibility, American/ "global villagism" identity, Peruvian/American patriotism [by a non-patriot/ expatriate! ha! define THAT!], and sectionalism so be forewarned.

[p.s. i AM inordinately proud of the American holiday known as Thanksgiving. that emotion is definitely pride. i had nothing to do with the Pilgrims, Tisquantum, or Lincoln declaring it a federal holiday [thank you, wiki], but i sure as all get out celebrate it and will celebrate it on ANY continent in ANY language EVERY 4th Thursday of November, at LEAST.]