23 junio 2008

fotos! por fin


i´m legal! 22.6.2008- with Marisol and Reyna

17 junio 2008

turbulence and attachment

thought one:
everybody should take plane rides so we can all remember how easy it is to die... while repeating over and over and over the Lord´s Prayer and Psalm 23... you have basically NO control of your destiny for the duration of your flight. None. Once that plane gets above a certain hundred feet (or meters, if we´d like to be logical), your options for life narrow pretty much to having the pilot deliver you safely to your destination... that sounds axiomatic, but goodness, it got to me.

when i was younger, (in my days...) i had no fear; turbulence just makes you feel like you´re really going somewhere. then i realize that things go wrong in life and tragedy happens. all the time. why not to me?

looking at death makes you sorry for not having appreciated life more...

thought two:
How long does it take and what conditions are required to really become attached to a person (or place or idea or characteristic)? Where they (excuse the pronoun abuse) become a part of your identity, your worldview?

° accustomedness- when they become a habit, an accepted and enjoyable part of your day
° applicability and interest- how much does it fill your thoughts? how many other things get tied back to it?
° what you sacrifice for it- (willingly!) What you give from free good will... the kindness you show
° vulnerability- in some way, it has to show a need or a weakness or just plain old refuseable LOVE, which is a vulnerability in itself... for instance, God in the Prophets (Ezequiel 16, Jeremiah, Isaiah) or Christ in Bethlehem. Good heavens... attachable vulnerability causes you to think, what can you give in response? you rack your brains, eye your bank account, squint at the future...

thought three:
¨To feel self-sacrifice consciously as self-sacrifice argues a failure in love.¨
-Dorothy Sayers, The Mind of the Maker

Not that i´m sacrificing anything or that it hasn´t been my blessed BIRTHDAY every day i´ve been here, but it´s a truth, regardless of applicability.

¨Identity is in fact attained in inverse relationship to the consciousness of the creature.¨
-Dorothy Sayers, The Mind of the Maker

A sagacious reader might note that these thoughts are hardly fresh. I just don´t know what to write... i´m here, i´m happy, the keyboard is driving me crazy again with its jumbled up symbols, and i can´t upload photos on this computer.

It just that i get here... and i feel like i´ve never left. It´s hard to make that readable. I´ll try. If something comes, i´ll write it, be sure.

Pictures soon!

Prayers appreciated.

04 junio 2008


thought one:
"Any prayer requests today?"

“Uh, yes. I need Jesus.”

thought two:
Blessed be God because He give grace to me just by a hug, a handshake, a word, a joke, a “discussion,” an anecdote, a supper, a “sharing” by the brethren. Dang it, but I love the people of the Almighty. Really, really.

Likewise my family, but they allow me to abuse them. They let me get away with too much.

thought three:
Sososososo convinced that withdrawal from the world is no good. Hiatuses (hiati?) are lovely, but emotions become atrophied with too much solitude. Not to mention brain activity. My world is just not big enough unless there’s bleeding humanity in proximity. I need to know that Christ’s sermon on the Mount was meant for someone besides me. That if I find some of Scripture “not applicable,” it’s because I don’t get out enough, not due to any actual irrelevance.

In, not of. In, not of. Upon conversion, we change relationship to world, not location. Whereas before we went to the world with our arms wide out for amusement, for affirmation, for success, now we go with our arms outstretched to give truth, love, purpose. We are ambassadors with a message of urgent reconciliation. Temples where others can meet with God.

Of course, we should be real enough with ourselves to realize our weaknesses. Hmmm... maybe a better word than "weaknesses" is frailty. Dustiness. We are, after all, human in gullible ways too. God’s not calling me to begin a ministry to the soul needs of nice young heathen men.
...which for some reason leads to me to an extreme teeth-grinder: the argument (is it an argument? claim?) that, “Well, why not drink? Jesus drank. Jesus partied.”
Jesus changed peoples’ lives. Around Him, people stopped robbing, women gave up adultery, men left fishing to preach the Gospel. Jesus lived to do the will of the Father. Jesus fasted 40 days in the desert because “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Father.” Jesus rose a long while before sunrise to commune with the Holy God. Jesus touched lepers. Jesus thought in the Scriptures. Jesus washed feet. Jesus set His face like flint for His own execution, "That the world may know that I love the Father, so I do." Jesus could ask His enemies [fijate], “Which of you convicts me of sin?”
When you look like Him in those ways, and then look at Him- in the face- then make your case to me about drinking.

Sorry. That was a digression. But seriously…
thought four:
Father Stephen, a very wise man, wrote a post way back when on gratitude:

Fr. Alexander Schmemann taught that one way of understanding the sin in the
Garden of Eden, was that we ate the only food there that had not been given to
us as food - and thus the only thing for which we could not give thanks. It was
our failure to be “eucharistic” [thanks-giving] beings that became
characteristic of our sin.
not to bore you, dear reader, with details, but i can't tell you how crummy i feel to confuse gifts with a trials. ("Trials" should so be between quotes.) [I'll talk more on the phenomenon of bequoted "trials" later, i'm sure.]

when will i get that His goodness is not a theological proposition but that it is first living, breathing, shining, dependable? getting hung up on His will, when [chale] it was His heart. what's wrong with my theology?! God as will. God as the grand medicine-giver killing the flesh one painful cell at a time. Or maybe more than theology is relational: my grand ego's unwillingness to encounter a deeper-feeling, deeper-innocent PERSON is the problem...

And then i wonder why God doesn't make sense. He wasn't be silent, but maybe He was left speechless.

to love God... requires someone like Jesus.